Oh what a week it has been! This past Wednesday I woke up a little sad and disappointed about a conversation I had had the night before with someone I care about deeply. As I was praying that morning and asking Heavenly Father again for guidance and peace, World War 3 was breaking out in my living room. The kids were being terrible (and I don't use those words lightly) fighting with each other and yelling at me too. Not only yelling but calling me hateful names and telling me how everything is always my fault. A couple of hours later, after they were off at school, I had a very unpleasant phone call with my ex husband so by noon I was feeling overwhelmed and so so tired.
The storms were raging all around me (as they have been for what feels like a very long time now) and I just sat and cried and prayed again for peace and for guidance in helping me to know what to do.
This was the bitter part of my day.
The sweet came as I talked with my best friend about how hard it has been and how she listened and offered advice. It also came as I picked up my daughter from school that day and she shared with me how she knows I have been having a lot of hard trials in my life but that I have lots of blessings too. And that even greater blessings are coming right? (I love her! Things I have taught her from the time she was very young and here she was bearing testimony to me of these things) The sweet was also present when I picked up my boys and they apologized for their behavior and said they were sorry for having such a hard morning. And later that night another one of my BFF's invited me over and cooked some of the most delicious food for me and we talked and my spirits were once again lifted.
As the day progressed I felt myself getting sick and as I prayed that evening I laughed a little with Heavenly Father saying "of course now I'm getting sick too!" As I was praying I remembered a line form a blessing that I had received in January that said I was blessed 'with the patience that Job had'.
Clearly my trials are no where near what Job had to endure, but for me they are still very real.
10 years as a single mom to 3 of the most loving as well as challenging kids I have been blessed to know.
(2 of them being my 12 year old twin boys who already live with mental illness and now have hormones that are raging too. With these added challenges it has become a whole new kind of hard)
Doing it without a husband and companion by my side, or a father for my kids.
I have had health challenges, financial difficulties, and trials that have truly been a test of my faith and trust in the promises the Lord has made to me personally.
But every time I have another heart breaking experience or am going through another really challenging time in my life I think about how grateful I am to know that the Lord trusts me, that He is allowing me to have these experiences and to progress at this pace.
I have learned so much these past 10 years about what it really means to go forward with faith and optimism, about the importance of serving others and always reaching outward, and most importantly about the Atonement of my Savior and what that means for me personally.
He has taught me, over and over again about what it truly means to be patient...including being patient in HIS timing.
I know that He has a plan for me, that I am never alone and that great and marvelous blessings are in store for me.
Blessings that will be that much sweeter because I have also experienced the bitter.
For had I not experienced the bitter, I would never really know the sweet.
